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A Pendulum Ache

by The Nocturnal Broadcast

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1.
The Myth 02:58
When the world is crumbling around I fill the silence with a nervous kind of sound As my dresser drawers stand as nothing more Than the graves of the people I've been As I float out into the light All the families in their homes drone and collide As I pass them by, I can't help but cry For the myth of original sin And the way that it rots me from within In the meadow smoking easing my mind With mindless chatter sought to soothe the time We are all abreast facing nothingness Now a well beckons something untrue: With good faith, we might all be made new For all the time I'll spend here untethered I know soon the rain will soak down into my bones For all the time we'll spend here together We ought to try to brave the weather as one But I've no one No I am no one I'm a tired flood I'm a dimming sun
2.
On Implosion 03:33
Drawn to the light, I am a moth Flutter slowly, all I find Is the alluring buzz in the night That brings a frenzied fright Flowing, a river's rage I debate if I'll reach where I belong All I touch, I erode I'm afraid I'm doomed to implode I can't ever catch my breath My feet sliding that slippery slope It all goes up in smoke When the lines between the tangible And the unseen erode Rising high into the sky I can't take another sleepless night Let me soar, set me free Be gone my sinner's grief Howling a hound while faraway Echoes drip in disarray And they chill me to the bone With fears that aren't my own I can't ever catch my breath My feet sliding that slippery slope It all goes up in smoke When the lines between the tangible And the unseen erode
3.
Culpability 04:19
I wish that I could twist and mold To a brittle pine in fresh fallen snow For centuries I would climb To the blissful acres of still and lazy skies But the harsh lights keep flashing in my eyes So the pavement's my brave captain tonight I wish that I could fall asleep Among the ripples of the long-forsaken sea Be swallowed in the maw of time To wallow in my hollow pointless rhyme But the harsh lights hold their rotary For the vessels so far from home tonight The harsh lights grip tighter onto me Gritting "live long so you die when we say that it's alright" And I am culpable For the ways I'm confined Now I'm untouchable I'm in orbit 'round decay of the mind I am culpable I'm in orbit 'round decay of the mind Yeah it's pulling me closer still I am greying for the ways I unwind I am greying for the ways I unwind I am greying 'round decay of the mind
4.
Moon 04:13
There are some days I can't keep my thoughts from running away In a mudslide macrophagic neural rage to salve frenetic frames Then there are some ways the moon shine frightens me cold Despite where I stand, I'm a satellite stranded on an orbit all my own We are molded of dust and sordid debris With a touch of trepidation the thought of My dissolving's got me ripcord clawing in a dream Inertia's got me falling in perpetuum in all recursive thoughts On and on it's dragging and the ennui's really nagging at me now I walk in the rain It's melting off all my peeling paint It's left me raw and bored out my brain I'm stuck on a train Of causal cynicism thoughts: I'm but a chemical reactor all the same I'm not awake these days Like a raft on the ocean, I don't know where I am going Now I'm fractal and broken To your tides I am beholden We are molded of dust and sordid debris With a touch of trepidation the thought of My dissolving's got me ripcord clawing in a dream Inertia's got me falling in perpetuum in all recursive thoughts On and on it's dragging and the ennui's really nagging at me now
5.
Stumbling through my hometown I see a mirage of my youth Through the clementine fog In a waltz with dusty dreams until dawn Oh! How I'd trumpet them loud Bask and boast in the sound What a mess I did make When I left you in town Now, I've walked through the fire, fooled the funeral pyre Into setting me free, but I was born a liar I'm resigned to nostalgia's callous kiss Oh my how we've grown Oh my how we've grown But I'm sleeping alone Do you still live at home? It's a desperate atone to ward off the unknown I'm shivering cold due to restlessness bones I'm shivering cold due to hopelessness stones All up along the coastline awash Lie debris. And they scowl at me: "Settle every debt to be free" So the chorus it roars And that sea foam ensures More and more by the hour 'Til in their shadow I am obscured In a coil I lay As an insect does cower And I sleep all day long In a waltz with dusty dreams 'til I'm gone There's a longing I fear For those days filled with hope But the memories pale And I just want to know That all is forgiven if I cry That remorse is enough to make us alright Oh my how we've grown Oh my how we've grown But I'm sleeping alone Do you still live at home? It's a desperate atone I'm warding off the unknown I'm shivering cold due to restlessness bones I'm shivering cold due to hopelessness stones I'm dragging along a ball and chain for my wrongs They flitter above I can't reach them enough Not enough for to hold Listless, I'm inconsolable With a shadow in tow A foul tale I'd wish to unknow..
6.
It might seem simple What I'm trying to say But I just want to go home I fear I've lost my way And now I'm at odds and stolid Vanishing as I lay I just want to go home I feel I've lost my way I trudge so lonely Through the valley's cold And now I yearn something wildly For a hand to hold before I Depart unholy into the "makers" fold Console me I just want to go home I feel I've lost my way A storm is raging On the mountain's peaks I know that ascension outward Is arduous and bleak But if we set sights on promise And not the doubts we keep We'll come to know home and Loneliness will fade I'm sorry to say but the heart it rains Waterlogged worries are harder to drain I just get so untethered From my pendulum vent and wane Center me Center me Anything For all the ripples that surely emanates From my uncertain center A skeptic's sickle fate I'm bound to Seek, out of winter, asylum Still, I wait until the sun sets, To rise up and shiver out the ache
7.
Chameleonic 04:57
Slowly sink into what's around Friday evening party crowd Carries on singing their joyful, hollow song And they saunter out at dawn While you're melting on the lawn When all the busy-bodies dissipate And you're all deflated Hues abated You're a mirror, now an empty slate No mold to form to No one before you Chameleonic, incongruous days I filter through my iterations With a lazy malaise For the drone That hums incessant in my home It pulls self-identity away Take the path of least resolve Unspooling through an endless hall Fluorescence overhead Flickers a sharp and constant thread My ontology's a tangled mess Am I my captain? Or a blur at best? When all the busy-bodies dissipate And you're all deflated Hues abated You're a mirror, now an empty slate No mold to form to No one before you Chameleonic, incongruous days I filter through my iterations With a lazy malaise For the drone That hums incessant in my home It pulls self-identity away I don't know who I am today Can you even be in the lonely shade? I don't know who I am today Are you if there's not a witness to watch as you fray? A whisper out from the ether cries: "Every permutation of your mind's just fine." You are neither out of sight Nor are you out of mind
8.
Until My Day 03:40
No no no no no I do not I do not want to waste away No no no no no I will not I will not die until my day If it takes manual override I will beat my chest to survive If it's sink or swim for tonight That watery grave won't meet my eyes No no no no no I do not I do not want to waste away No no no no no I will not I will not die until my day For those of paltry, peeling paint Like a trembling alder sobbing flakes Robbed of breathe as you lie in wait For the wretched march of the looming days No no no no no I do not I do not want to waste away No no no no no I will not I will not die until my day
9.
We were born against the odds Side-stepping the "grace" of God A drop in the big blue sea Overflowing with love and hate Two poles: A Pendulum Ache And I'm dizzied in between Trailed only by my footprints in the snow Cool breeze upon my cheek, I sneak a glance at a fig tree One by one, I watch them fall away Now the rotting remains litter the ground All hope and fear and what we know and what's left to be found The true fear lies in why I keep my quiet For the victor and the vanquished All are aligned in the end The hallowed dollar Only has worth by our hand There's not much in this life That I can see has any meaning But if all is but impermanence guaranteed Our pain too shall pass Now it's not as much the wash breaking the beach But a bargain-beggar buoy tethered to the tyrant sea We are turbulent We're tumultuous reverie For the victor and the vanquished All are aligned in the end The hallowed dollar Only has worth by our hand There's not much in this life That I can see has any meaning But if all is but impermanence guaranteed Our pain too shall pass
10.
I Am 02:36
Shouldn't my bones creak just a bit less? Shouldn't my eyes weep for the dead? Shouldn't I wake with the calm of the dawn? Shouldn't this prose leave me much better off? Shouldn't my bones creak just a bit less? Shouldn't my eyes weep for the dead? All the while, my heart beats: I am I am I am

about

A Pendulum Ache is an exploration of despair, hope, and everything in between. It loosely follows a short story written by LaCour which is centered around a protagonist who, in a fit of depersonalization, is pulled through a series of surreal encounters and is forced to reconcile much of what had long been ignored. It is an exercise in an exhaustive introspection with aims to better understand or at the very least, coexist, with self.

credits

released March 2, 2018

Bass - Annie Carlson
Guitar - Drew Brunson
Drums, Vocals - Taylor Stoma
Guitar, Lead Vocals - Connor LaCour

Recorded, Mixed, and Mastered by Connor LaCour
Produced by The Nocturnal Broadcast

Album Art - Annie LaCour

Published with Lemon Night, LLC

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The Nocturnal Broadcast Baton Rouge, Louisiana

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