1. |
lavender
04:16
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it seems that eventually
everyone's got their reason to leave
there's a tarnishing that creeps up
and threatens to seize everything
but you said that
the lavender keeps you at ease
well i haven't found my salve
for that mechanized whirring, whirring
"It's not worth it"
that beckoning breaking me down
i'm alone as i fade through the days
an irritant like a tv's static plague
i'm unspooling, fetal
all across the kitchen floor
at 3am. a phantom limb.
where you used to hold me
now i have grown into it
with ivy-lattice dissidence
that holds up my indifference
a grimy, sour shell
internalizing every well-meaning word
dissonantly. and eventually
it starts breaking me down
i wish i knew how
to not be at odds
with myself
imagine how that would sound!
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2. |
Lost Time
05:04
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I don't wanna be beholden to the data
Anymore than I would wanna dissipate
If you talk of windows like you see what live inside,
Then why the need to denigrate?
Find me our lost time
Overgrown untended vines
The paint is chipping off my nails
What a swan song!
Flakes ashen and adrift
As if of my withering wail
There's a chasm in our bed
Where we lay from coast to coast now
I'm shaking with regret
And I'm sorry as I'm in it
You had this wily grin that settled all I couldn't tell
But a sickly man I became
(is that a crack?)
And your doubts they burrowed deep
into our bastion entwine
Now I only am afraid
(was it this or that?)
A soured light creeps on our dinner damn near every day
And I know you don't feel the same
(how do we get back?)
I sing of a sorrow
and a melancholy drive
and a guilt and hollow
that eats me alive
i just want someone to tell my secrets to
whose smile when they see me lights up
the goddamn room
Is anything left to feeling?
To that ephemeral unreeling
Am I dancing in the wind?
Or bound like a kite to my string
There's a chasm in my head
Where I question every minute
Now I'm shaking with regret
And I'm sorry as I'm in it
I know it's a habit
I'd do well to shake
But I'm but a willow whipping
Just the fruits of fickle fate
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3. |
Good Days
03:01
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It's all a drifting mirage
We're all a scene in a bad dream
The final tally leaves us
Even, I figure
For the colors bleeding down
Are specters of the sounds
Of the "good days"
Threadbare solipsism
Drowning I know
Still I can't help
from believing I won't
make peace
From believing my soul is
make believe
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4. |
||||
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Found the truth at the bottom
I can do what I wanna
But that does not get you anywhere
No it did not get me anywhere
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5. |
Insomnia
05:19
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I'm stuck
Talking to my pillow
Late at night cause
I'm scared of silent diatribes
And all I can do is fill up
All of the space
All aware
that I'm deflecting
or is it that I'm projecting
I should have committed
to sleep when I was higher
But now the corners in my room
shake with self-slander
And apprehension grips me like
a shrinking jacket
I'm kicking the sheets
Throwing fits with the sheep
Knowing I'm incomplete
a sketch unfinished unheard unseen
Now I'm hyper aware
Of every nook and cranny
Where a blunderbuss's
Dust amasses
A leviathanian paranoia
that all we ever do is trite
And if that's true,
which it might be,
then we're alone
So I take another hit
As if that will make me feel
better in the long run
7 am and the wind is howling
Now I'm sick of my sloth
But i'm tired of trying
So I have another and another and another and another cup of joe
Draw the shades
On another
Inconsequential day
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6. |
Until My Day
04:01
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No no no no no I do not
I do not want to waste away
No no no no no I will not
I will not die until my day
If it takes manual override
I will beat my chest to survive
If it's sink or swim for tonight
That watery grave won't meet my eyes
No no no no no I do not
I do not want to waste away
No no no no no I will not
I will not die until my day
For those of paltry, peeling paint
Like a trembling alder sobbing flakes
Robbed of breath as you lie in wait
For the wretched march of the looming days
No no no no no I do not
I do not want to waste away
No no no no no I will not
I will not die until my day
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